#ANACONDA 2 MOVIE QUEEN SNAKE TV#

I had myself a high time with AnacondaвЂs B-movie thrills, old-fashioned action-adventure flick sensibilities and simple, straightforward thrust. The next 90 minutes were quite something. (Anaconda Malt Liquor would, of course, be the very worst way to start the week.) I woke up especially extra early on a Monday morning for the viewing experience, because a creature feature is always the best way to start the week.

#ANACONDA 2 MOVIE QUEEN SNAKE TV#

I managed to find the movie hidden in the cable TV schedules and set it to record. вЂњI should listen to this strange sage figure on the other side of the internet!вЂќ I cried out to myself. WhatвЂ™s more, his avatar is The Lego MovieвЂs Vitruvius вЂ“ the wise old wizard with the voice of Morgan Freeman вЂ“ and that felt significant, like I was a вЂњspecialвЂќ set on a quest of immense importance. One week later he tweeted me again saying he was вЂњnot impressedвЂќ about my not watching Anaconda yet (how did he know?) so I thought I better get on it. He also said that heвЂ™d love me forever if I savoured its goodness and, because IвЂ™m so insecure and lonely, I decided to comply. He demanded that I rectify this heinous error and went on to gush about AnacondaвЂ™s gloriousness while dancing, I imagine, to a particular Nicki Minaj track in snakeskin booties because that day he was all about everything вЂanacondaвЂ™. I remarked that the first thing I think of when I see or hear the word вЂanacondaвЂ™ is the hilarious blaxploitation spoof Black Dynamite, because вЂњAnaconda Malt Liquor gives you oooooooh!вЂќ (If that means nothing to you, I urge you to seek out Black Dynamite and avoid Anaconda Malt Liquor) I also added that I hadnвЂ™t seen Anaconda and this really upset Patrick. Instead I decided I would say something because I was bored (clearly, because I was on Twitter) and, duly, sent a reply.

IвЂ™m guessing heвЂ™d just rewatched Anaconda because he was praising it as вЂњone of the greatest films of the 90s.вЂќ He suffixed that with the simple statement вЂњSay nothingвЂќ so read into that what you will. One day I was idly doing that with an upstanding gentleman named Patrick Sproull, who has written stuff for this fine website. Then recently вЂ“ fortunately вЂ“ that changed and it was all thanks to social media pressure. I donвЂ™t know how I managed to miss Anaconda or just never cross its path but there you go and that was the situation. Somehow this pleasure had passed me by, and it existed as a sizeable hole in my pop cultural consciousness вЂ“ a hole the size of вЂњthe worldвЂ™s biggest snakeвЂќ. Until a couple of weeks ago I didnвЂ™t remember Anaconda because IвЂ™d never seen it. When youвЂ™ve finished reading this article, you will know some shit.Дo you remember Anaconda? The 1997 killer snake film starring Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube and Jon Voight? It had the tagline вЂњWhen you canвЂ™t breathe you canвЂ™t screamвЂќ? It got nominated for six Razzies but, in spite of such ignominy, went on to become a cult hit and spawned three sequels? That sentence pretty accurately sums up most peopleвЂ™s appreciation of both the movie Anaconda, life in general and the state of the Universe. вЂњYou donвЂ™t know shit about the shit weвЂ™re in here!вЂќ Gary Dixon (Owen Wilson) in Anaconda.

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